Our society these days have set the standard for standard people too high. Fluent communication, mastery of every little things, attention to all details, multitasker, high earner, lovely beautiful wife, very happy family, strong social presence, entrepreneurship from any field you're involved in - these are the high standard our society expects from a “descent” human being.
Look around to see how many people you know have really achieved all this? Very few. Also look around to see those happy people you have in your head and why they are happy? Vaguely they are happy because of following characteristics
- Responsibility to their current situation
- Adaptability to situations they are unable to control.
- And Authenticity
Now these characteristics are the most important aspect that needs to be worked on rather than self esteem. Self esteem follows after these aspects without forcing it.
How is self esteem is a trap? First of all if you have to be constantly reminded that you need to up your self esteem by yourself, it is like reminding yourself that you are not functioning at a level you want to. This is constant resistance to your current self. As you make reminding yourself to improve your self esteem a habit, the resistance grows. It requires you to perform at a higher level than what you are right now. It requires constant monitoring. This constant monitoring consumes constant energy which will only drain you.
There are many cases that have worked by this self affirmative approach but I feel self affirmative approach is not based on your authenticity. For example if an introvert artist feels sick of himself for not being able to perform well socially and decides to change himself rather than focussing that time and energy to further improve his craft, who knows what will happen? He might end up better or be depressed because he is unable to meet his ideal standard. The way to improve self esteem is surrounding yourself around the things you like, things you know about. This way self esteem improves naturally.
Human beings are naturally result oriented beings. To please themselves and others, one must deliver some output to their respective life. Improve your craft, keep on learning, be honest, be forgiving, accept your current situation, accept whatever comes along, be compassionate and you'll improve your self esteem will improve on itself. All I wanted to say was that self esteem is not something you improve on itself, rather it is the outcome of other improvements that can be made in life.
Samit Paudel answers in Quora.